A Week of Hell

Today is the halfway point of NaNoWriMo. Today lots of participants will be crossing the 25,000 words mark.

I’m one of them, but actually, I crossed that line on Sunday. It’s a bloody good job I did.

I don’t think I’ve actually breached 500 extra words since then, never mind the 1666 words I’m supposed to write every day. This week has been a week of absolute Hell. To go with a new set of drugs (the prescription kind, not the illegal kind) and the doctor’s appointment to get them, there has been: Running, Writing Club (in which not a lot of writing was done), a course to attend, a pile of marking that’s rapidly becoming bigger than me, an overdue book review (thankfully now almost done), another book to read, 64 reports to write, homework club, an observation to plan, a birthday meal to attend. In between, you know, sleeping and stuff.

The other night I slept probably less than four hours. Mostly because I kept having full on panic attacks, weird room spinning sensations, and when I did sleep, really funky dreams. I’m not sure if it was side effects of the new prescription or just symptomatic of my general stress levels, but either way, it didn’t help. I nearly went into full meltdown mode.

(Incidentally, one of the dreams involved parking my car in the wrong place and being fined £1666 – coincidence?)

Then I went for the birthday meal and tried not to worry about all the things I wasn’t doing. I slept better than night and felt better in myself today.

So, tonight I’m going to catch up on non work-related jobs.  Sending that review, reading a bit more of the book, writing. I will pay for it at the weekend when I have to mark 32 essays in order to finish the last 32 reports, but right now I need the break. And I need the words.

Because I don’t anticipate next week being much better. And I need to build up my buffer again.

Writing is hard, and I dream of a day when I can go part time, or, ideally, write full time and support myself adequately while doing so. But even after a week of Hell, I’m not about to quit.

Halfway there. 15 days to go.

When you say it like that it seems almost manageable.

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