Confidence Wobbles

Book three is not going as quickly as books one and two. I aimed to have it finished by tomorrow, and that is not likely. Not unless I can magically produce 20,000 words in the next twenty-four hours, between sleeping, eating, packing for my holiday and babysitting a plumber who’s coming to sort out our leak.

In other words, never going to happen.

It’s partly because the impromptu holiday that was only booked a few days ago has eaten into my writing time. Though it was largely sorted for us, we still had to organise suitcases, spending money, cleaning enough appropriate clothes etc. Plus we had to sort out an extra day in London so we can go and see the Bond exhibition for our J date, which turned into a right carry on.

I know all this, as well as knowing that, despite him being supportive of my ambitions, I generally find it harder to write when the Boyfriend is around. Because I want to be spending time with him, not locked in my study. We get so little time together most of the time, that when he has days off, I feel I’m wasting them somehow if I’m not glued to his side.

But, despite knowing this, the slow word counts over the past few days have made me question myself. I start imagining the criticisms that might be levelled at me by fictional critiques of my as yet unfinished, let alone published works. I even go as far as imagining the negative comparisons that might be drawn between other books that I’ve written, that are equally far from being publishable.

It’s all writerly anxiety, and I’m sure I’m not alone in suffering it, but it got me thinking, because my biggest concern was my characters.

I was worried that the main character of my current series, Cadence, is too similar to the main female character of the previous book I wrote, Caitlin. See, their names even begin with the same letter!

The reason for my concern was that there are a lot of surface similarities – both women have pasts that they’ve tried to leave behind, but also define them as people, both of them are gutsy and brave. Both have a strong dislike of being talked down to, or treated badly. Both are involved in some sort of job where they face good vs evil type scenarios. Both of them kick ass, albeit in different ways.

It was thinking about this kicking ass business that made me realise how different they really are. Cadence lives very much in the now, something I subconsciously reflected by choosing to write in the first person present tense. She is reasonably intelligent, but she’s less a thinker, more a barrel in head first kind of girl. She’s got a flaming sword, and she’s not afraid to use it.

Caitlin, on the other hand, is much more manipulative. She would think of a way to gain the advantage in a situation so that she can move the players like chess pieces without actually getting her hands dirty. She’s reflective, analytical and only comfortable when she’s at least ten steps ahead of her opponents.

To procrastinate from writing a little more, I imagined what would happen if I swapped them over. Technical difficulties of two completely different worlds aside, I imagine Caitlin would fair pretty well in Cadence’s shoes in terms of solving the Big Mystery that runs throughout the series, though she would never have chosen he job – it’s far too physical.

Cadence, on the other hand, would never have been able to save Caitlin’s colleagues at the crucial moment like she does. Cadence would fit the job and the people, but the particular skill set needed to get them out of certain situations, Cadence just doesn’t have.

And the love interests? I ran the thought experiment of swapping them over too. And while I could totally see Cadence and Caitlin’s love interest going out for drinks and having a good time, I doubt they would ever be more than just mates.

Caitlin with Cadence’s love interest? They wouldn’t even like each other, and if they did there would be far too much thinking and analysing going on – hardly ingredients for a passionate relationship.

All this, of course, has been a rather large waste of valuable writing time, but thinking these things through has at least left me feeling that I have two rounded, interesting, and most importantly different characters.

(And yes, I am aware I talk about them like they’re real people. Living with them in  my head long enough makes them feel pretty real at times!)

The Characters Are Taking Over

… or my sanity has run off somewhere with my health.

Well, actually this post has been scheduled and as it is uploading I am hopefully lying on a bed in a spa with some hot stones on my back (a little dubious about this, stay tuned for a full C Date update) or getting my now officially unruly hair cut. I’m hoping that this future version of myself feels a little healthier, if not saner.

So, the reason I’m feeling a little bit dubious about my sanity at the moment (at time of writing moment… this could get confusing) is because the characters in my Mywyn project are taking over. They are officially their own little people now, running round doing things I never planned for them to do, demanding more screen time and generally being a pain.

As a pertinent case study in this phenomenon, allow me to introduce you to Amy Sung.

Amy was a character so incidental that she didn’t even have a name when I started writing. She’s a Duty Solicitor whose sole purpose in the story was to prove that two other characters are stand up sort of guys who do the right thing by calling her into their case, rather than just breaking all the police procedure rules (future dystopia novel, police corruption is back in a big way) and then she was supposed to disappear into the storytelling ether and not come back again.

Until four chapters later she reappeared waving coffee under another character’s nose.

Now it transpires that Amy was involved in a big case that said character was involved in, so they have all this mutual history and have worked together often since. Amy wants to know what happened about the case she was called in to be solicitor for and the other character is going to have to explain what’s going on, which will involve Amy in the rest of the story. It still won’t be in a major way, but she’s come along some from being a character without a name.

I’ve had to write her a character profile just now to ensure I don’t forget what she looks like. She’s a character that is equal parts softness and hard edges – tough and gutsy, but caring. I think Michelle Yeoh could play her well, in the fictional movie adaption of my as yet unwritten (not even titled) book. Minus the kung-fu stuff. Amy fights with words, not fists.

Amy Sung?

Add to this that another minor character (slightly less minor than Amy – he did have a name and a profile) is fast becoming one of my favourites, and I have a recipe for complete story plan deviation. I would say I’m scared that this is going to knock me off my 80k 80 days track, but at the moment I’m too excited to be worried about it.

Well, at this actual moment, I’m probably too relaxed to care. Unless hot stones aren’t pleasantly warm as I’m imagining them to be and are some sort of torture device parading as a spa treatment. But I guess only future-me knows that.

When Characters Appear At Random

So I’ve been making good progress on my current WIP. Time off work does wonders for your wordcount. Chapter five is done and I’ve got a clearer idea where the story is heading.

I’m not much of a planner. Well, it depends on the project – sometimes I plan in great detail, but for the most part I have a clear idea of where I’m starting, a vague idea of where I’m heading and a few key milestones mapped out between. The getting to and from those milestones is something I hope will be figured out along the way.

So far the current WIP is growing quite organically, evolving from the little idea that got me started into a multifaceted story with more than one interweaving (hopefully!) plot thread. Today though, I really knew it was starting to get a life of its own.

Writers talk about characters having a life of their own. This was something I first experienced back when I wrote fanfiction. Fanfiction is generally about the author fantasising about being with someone on a TV show/Film they love, and for the most part my 13/14 year-old dallies into Fanfiction were very much about that. Not that I was ever as dirty as some fanfiction I’ve stumbled upon in the past. Seriously, you could burn your eyes on the filth out there! But, back to the point, when I got a bit older and started thinking seriously about writing my own stuff, I thought more carefully about plot and less about how character X would end up together with character Y (although there was still a strong element of that). My characters became less like exaggerated versions of me, and more like their own person, until one day one of them turned round and told me that she most definitely wasn’t going to play out a particular scene how I’d imagined it.

I thought that was as difficult as fictional people would get. Arguing back over the hows and whys of scenes. The fact that they are always right and that I have to bow to the superior wisdom of a fictional person does present its psychiatric questions, but that’s what writer friends are for – they nod knowingly instead of looking at you like you’re mad and tell you all about their own battles.

Now though, it seems these fictional people appear at random, waltzing into my manuscript with no concern for my plot ideas.

This first happened to me on my previous novel that I completed, but will probably never attempt to publish. The fact of its completion was enough for me.

It was, in essence, a story about a teenage pregnancy. The main character ends up pregnant after a one night stand with a boy who isn’t particularly interested in her, and the novel details her pregnancy and how she comes to terms with being a mother and the redemption of her incredibly dysfunctional family along the way.

About a third of the way into the novel, the main character acquires herself a role model in the form of a sixth form student who knows what she’s been through. This was planned. Anna, the sixth former, was part of the original story notes I made when jotting down a rough outline. The boy who appeared behind her, entirely of his own accord, as I wrote Anna into the story was not.

From a character I hadn’t known existed until I wrote his name, Will became a very major part of the plot. The main character’s love interest, in fact. Looking back at the book now, I have no idea what it would have been like without him.

And now it’s happened again. My characters are happily guarding something for a friend when a gang of youths tries to intimidate them. Out from this gang appears a new character, merrily rattling a fence as he tries to scare Keira and company, who, though not yet named, I already know is going to play an integral role. From the vague idea of this gang, he’s sprung forwards and announced his intent to hang around, that I haven’t seen the last of him yet.

I’m sure this sort of thing presents a whole load more psychological questions about writers and how their brains work, but I’m not going to analyse it. I aim to go with the flow in my writing, and last time an unplanned, unannounced character work really well. This time, I’m quite happy to see where this new development takes me.

Finding the Words (and Not Using Them Twice in Two Sentences)

My partner and I got into a playful argument last night about the merit of mnemonics to remember how to spell ‘because’.

I was taught in primary school that ‘Big Elephants Can Always Understand Small Elephants’ and because I was a terrible speller until about the age of thirteen, when everything somehow slotted into place, I relied on the mnemonic often.

My other half told me I was categorically wrong. It’s ‘Big Elephants Can’t Always Use Small Exits’.

Because we were in a playful mood, we spent about ten minutes discussing which was the better mnemonic. I won.

The reason I won is this: the Exits mnemonic doesn’t make sense. It’s illogical. Big elephants can’t use small exits. Ever. They are big. The exits are small. Unfortunately, ‘Big Elephants Can’t Use Small Exits’ spells ‘Becuse’.

But, pedantic argument aside, it reminded me of an important element of writing. The most important element of writing, I would say: words. Specifically, choosing the right ones.

I’ve nearly finished chapter four of my current project. A busy couple of weeks at work have seen the project somewhat neglected of late, but I now have a week off (yay) and aside from a bit of preparation for the next few weeks, I have very little I have to do. Finishing chapters four and five is top of my priority list.

But I can’t blame work entirely for my lack of progress. Chapter four is proving difficult. The story so far has been set up, introduction to the world, the characters. A little has happened to progress the plot, but mostly in small ways that won’t become evident until later events. Chapter four is pivotal.

In it, three characters meet together for the first time to discuss the crux of the plot – the problem. Two of the characters, main character Keira and her new friend, are by and large concerned about the problem. The other, Keira’s old friend, is more concerned about the others looking a bit too cosy together.

The two male characters are both strong, dominant personalities. In totally opposite ways. The old friend is brash, edging on cocky. The new friend is more reserved, seething with hidden power. As soon as I walked them into a clearing together on page I knew there would be clashes between them.

The problem was, neither were going to be overt enough in their battle for alpha-male dominance to actually throw punches. Where the old friend is definitely impetuous enough to exchange punches if he thought one was coming his way, the new friend is far more sophisticated than that. Most of their face off occurred with glances and a sharply spoken statement.

Trying to make the tension palpable, while also trying to throw in a bit of tension of a different kind between Keira and the new friend wasn’t easy. There are only a limited amount of ways you can say someone gives you a challenging look. Hence why I ended up using the word ‘challenge’ twice in two sentences.

I have since been over and over the scene, deliberating about the words. I’ve managed to correct the awkward, clumsy error and I’m happy with the result. I’m not normally one for the minutiae of word by word writing – preferring to deal in the overarching story, the bigger picture – but the challenge (haha) of finding the word that absolutely evoked what I wanted it to was an interesting and rewarding one.

I’m still waiting for my trusty proof reader to finish chapter three (it’s still sat exactly where I left it in her house over a week ago!) and I know she’ll be reading this so NOT VERY SUBTLE HINT!!! I’ll be finished with chapter four soon. When I am, I’ll be in need of someone to check my word choices and make sure I’m not trying to force big elephants through small exits.

A Weakness For Blondes

So, I never noticed before, but apparently I have a total weakness for blondes.

I always thought of myself a girl who appreciates a bit of geek chic, a la David Tennant’s Doctor Who. Dark hair, dark eyes, glasses not necessary but preferable. The awkward boy who doesn’t quite know what to say, whose dress sense leans towards skinny jeans, who might secretly play guitar or write poetry.

But no. Apparently not. My self-styled ‘taste’ is totally belied by my writing. And I’ve only just noticed.

I’ve started writing a new story. This is nothing new, I often start new stuff. Usually at the expense of an older project, but the project I was working on previously was boring me. I was getting sick of teen girl with vampire/werewolf/demon/angel/some other mystical creature issues. Maybe I’ll come back to it in a few years when the fad has passed. (Always saw myself as a Paranormal YA writer too… this has been a fortnight of great realisation.)

Anyway, the new project is Sci-Fi, which is an exciting thought. Not really ventured down that road before, but I’m enjoying where it’s taking me. I’m also enjoying meeting my new cast. My favourite characters are always the love interests – I’m a romantic at heart, and can’t write a story without some true love being realised along the way.

It was while imagining the love interest for my main character, who is called Adam in case you are interested, that I noticed my penchant for the blonde gentleman. It was literally the first appearance feature I noted down in the great character generator in my head. Blonde hair, slightly ruffled.

Alone, not a stand out feature, but when you look at my previous lead males in previous projects…

Lewis – ‘sandy blonde hair’

Skye – ‘blonde hair highlighted despite the winter sun’

Kit – ‘scruffy blonde hair’

…we start to see a pattern emerging… >.<

Then there’s my taste in television at the moment. Have been recording the latest Smallville season to grace British screens lately, and watching when I have time. It’s terrible. Really. I mean, I quite enjoyed Smallville up to about series 6, but this one is just diabolical. (It doesn’t help that I missed about the first six episodes and have little clue what is actually happening.)

I only stick it out for this guy —>

(Hmmm, bow and arrows. Another fetish, another time!)

And then there’s Merlin. I don’t know if BBC America plays this one, or indeed what season it would be on, but it’s on season 3 here in the UK and still going strong. Which is great, because I love it. I loved the Robin Hood series they did a while back, but that went rubbish after the first series. Merlin seems to be holding out and staying strong. Anthony Head is always marvelous of course. And then there’s, ahem, Arthur…

Neither of these characters are particularly in line with my sensitive geek dream guy. They are arrogant, selfish, athletic and very often heroic. Shy boys don’t tend to be heroes. But, it’s not just the appearance that I like – I like the personality too. Totally smitten with my blonde sort of bad boys.

But, thinking about it, this is really nothing new. I’m sure my mother was as surprised as I was when I brought my other half home for the first time. He did not fit my preconceived idea of dream guy – he is not geeky in any way, prefers jogging bottoms to skinny jeans and wouldn’t be caught dead writing a poem. He’s abrasive, cocky, incredibly funny and about as sensitive as a dead fish. Five and a half years later we’re still going strong.

So maybe this was what I always found attractive, or maybe meeting him changed my idea of what dream guys look and act like. I certainly know that every love interest character I’ve written since has channeled some part of his personality. And of course, his blonde(ish) hair.

…

Well, it’s kind of light brown most of the time, but in the summer…